Stupid Stuff

[Halleck]

1. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. On my desk, I have a work station...GO FIGURE!
2. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
3. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
4. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with,
"Quit while you're ahead?"
5. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
6. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
7. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer
cans.
8. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older, then it dawned on me . . they were cramming for their finals.
9. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and
forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
10. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do...write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures
on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered
the mail?
11. Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of
portraits by Picasso.
12. How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
13. Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA - I came, I saw, I shopped.
14. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
OTHERS here for?
15.STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
16.You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
17.Clones are people two.
18. If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he
still wrong?
19. Go ahead and take risks....just be sure that everything will turnout OK.
20. Strange! No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
21. As I said before, I never repeat myself!
22. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
23. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zig-zag?
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Think "honk" if you're telepathic.
26. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went
nuts.
27. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that
considered a hostage situation?
28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
29. Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
30. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
31. I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I
said, "The whole time."
32. So what's the speed of dark?
33. How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been
dissing them anyhow?
34. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of
the water?
35. Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
36. If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
37. I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are
furious.
38. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
39. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
40. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
41. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
42. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
43. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak?
44. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
45. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold
tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
46. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is
dead?
47. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
48. Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't
they be called builts?

[buddha]

jesus thats a long read. but its pretty damn funny.

[Xil]

Nice list of jokes

[Ir0n Plasma=R=]

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