Male vs. Female at the ATM

Male vs. Female at the ATM

Postby Beren » Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:50 pm

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE ATM Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call the m back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine...
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car..
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15.. Retrieve cash and receipt..
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles...
27. Release Parking Brake.
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Re: MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

Postby Warlinker » Sun Mar 27, 2011 9:50 pm

lmaoooo that's soo dam true! hahaha
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Re: MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

Postby Nomi » Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:40 am

Beren wrote:26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles...
27. Release Parking Brake.


By far my favourite part.
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Re: MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

Postby Wistala » Mon Mar 28, 2011 8:39 pm

I think I use to date the lady this was based off, haha.
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Re: MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

Postby Druina » Fri May 06, 2011 10:18 am

This is what I witnessed the other day when I was stuck behind a guy at the drive through atm...

STUPID MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your pick up truck window.
3. Try to put card in ATM but realize you can't reach because your truck is lifted too high and your arms are too short (I suspect something else of his is quite short too - the truck was ridiculously lifted!)
4. Try to open door so you can reach ATM (FAIL! Too close to ATM to open door)
5. Drive forward swerving to the right and then back up, try to open door (Fail, still too close)
6. Repeat number 5 without the fail part.
7. Almost fall out of pick up truck. (Smooth move, Mr. Suave!)
8. Wave sheepishly at woman stuck behind you who is trying to look like she's not laughing at you.
9. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
10. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. FAIL!
11A. Retrieve card that ATM spits out.
11B.Scratch head and wonder what's wrong.
12. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. FAIL!
14. Retrieve card that ATM spits out.
15. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
16. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. FAIL!
17A. Retrieve card that ATM spits out.
17B. Spit on ground and hit ATM with fist.
18. Start cursing loud enough for the drive through teller (two lanes over) to hear you.
19. Yell about how the ATM won't give you any money!
20. Wave at the many cars stuck behind you.
21. Shut off engine.
21A. Ignore woman waiting behind you because you know she is rolling her eyes at you and is starting to get really angry.
22. Listen to what the teller is trying to tell you. (Sir please read the message on the screen)
23. Slowly read message on screen
24. Listen to teller. (Sir please tell me what it says on the screen)
25. Yell at drive through teller - IT SAYS I CAN'T WITHDRAW ANYMORE MORE MONEY TODAY!!!!!!!!
26. Scream at teller. WHAT IS MY BALANCE?!?!?
27. Watch teller's hands as she signals $60 so that others can't hear your balance but the woman behind you sees the tellers signing, she knows your balance now and she is snickering at you because you wasted too much money on that stupid looking truck trying to compensate for your short comings...
28.Scowl at teller who is looking at the long line behind you.
29. Wave at the lady who once was laughing at you and is now seething with anger because this has taken forever but she is conflicted because she is still laughing at your small balance amongst other things. (I hate being conflicted like that)
30. Listen to teller (Sir, please drive around and come inside the bank to make your withdrawal)
31. Start engine.
32. Put window up.
33. Wave to woman who now despises you and the truck you are so proud of.
34. Drive to front of bank.
35. Take up two parking spots because you don't know how to pull in straight.
36. Go inside to let the competent tellers handle your transaction for you.
"Sorry I couldn't heal you, that's my beer hand."
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Re: MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

Postby Beren » Fri May 06, 2011 11:09 am

Druina wrote:This is what I witnessed the other day when I was stuck behind a guy at the drive through atm...

STUPID MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your pick up truck window.
3. Try to put card in ATM but realize you can't reach because your truck is lifted too high and your arms are too short (I suspect something else of his is quite short too - the truck was ridiculously lifted!)
4. Try to open door so you can reach ATM (FAIL! Too close to ATM to open door)
5. Drive forward swerving to the right and then back up, try to open door (Fail, still too close)
6. Repeat number 5 without the fail part.
7. Almost fall out of pick up truck. (Smooth move, Mr. Suave!)
8. Wave sheepishly at woman stuck behind you who is trying to look like she's not laughing at you.
9. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
10. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. FAIL!
11A. Retrieve card that ATM spits out.
11B.Scratch head and wonder what's wrong.
12. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. FAIL!
14. Retrieve card that ATM spits out.
15. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
16. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. FAIL!
17A. Retrieve card that ATM spits out.
17B. Spit on ground and hit ATM with fist.
18. Start cursing loud enough for the drive through teller (two lanes over) to hear you.
19. Yell about how the ATM won't give you any money!
20. Wave at the many cars stuck behind you.
21. Shut off engine.
21A. Ignore woman waiting behind you because you know she is rolling her eyes at you and is starting to get really angry.
22. Listen to what the teller is trying to tell you. (Sir please read the message on the screen)
23. Slowly read message on screen
24. Listen to teller. (Sir please tell me what it says on the screen)
25. Yell at drive through teller - IT SAYS I CAN'T WITHDRAW ANYMORE MORE MONEY TODAY!!!!!!!!
26. Scream at teller. WHAT IS MY BALANCE?!?!?
27. Watch teller's hands as she signals $60 so that others can't hear your balance but the woman behind you sees the tellers signing, she knows your balance now and she is snickering at you because you wasted too much money on that stupid looking truck trying to compensate for your short comings...
28.Scowl at teller who is looking at the long line behind you.
29. Wave at the lady who once was laughing at you and is now seething with anger because this has taken forever but she is conflicted because she is still laughing at your small balance amongst other things. (I hate being conflicted like that)
30. Listen to teller (Sir, please drive around and come inside the bank to make your withdrawal)
31. Start engine.
32. Put window up.
33. Wave to woman who now despises you and the truck you are so proud of.
34. Drive to front of bank.
35. Take up two parking spots because you don't know how to pull in straight.
36. Go inside to let the competent tellers handle your transaction for you.

This was obviously a woman dressed as a man...
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